Frozen

I feel frozen.
A pillar of thick clear ice surrounds my body in a cold cocoon.
Mimicking a loving mother's embrace.
But it's not my mother.
Because my mother is ahead of me; Screaming me forward.

But I can't move, not yet.

I'm still frozen, in this twilight zone of sorts.
Not going forward, but I sure as hell aren't going back.

But it feels that way.

That I'm leaning backward.
Because he is back there.
Behind me, with the charming smiles and heart-melting eyes.
With the comforting memories of warm grass and shining sun.
Melting my icy cavern.

Tempting me.

To just turn around and run.
Run into his flames.
Into his scalding embrace.
And let him burn me.
And ruin me.
Drag me to the dirt.
I know that he hurts me.
He tells me things.

How.

My whole life's existence.
For nothing.

I want to yell at him.
SCREAM at him.

But, I don't.

Because I'm frozen.
The world still moves forward around me.

But, I'm stuck in place.

He gets closer.
Flames licking the back of my neck.
And my mother gets father away from me.
She used to be at arms length.

But, now she's just a flicker in the distance.

I can almost completely ignore her now.
Her screaming pleas.
Tell me what to do.
How to do things.
How I despise my mother for that.

But, there are times.

Like now.
When I remember.
What it felt like to CARE.
Care for her.
Care for HIM.

The tears fall free from my eyes now.
My whole body aches and hurts.
It's tries to blind my other emotions with it's potency.

But will the pain,
The tears,
And the flames closing in.
Be enough to motivate me,
To break free from my frozen prison,

And run

Not
Forward
Or
Backward

But

Free?